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Post-op Day 81: Weigh-in Wednesday

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This time my predictions were right on. The weight loss this week is only 0.4 lbs. for a total weight loss of 63.3 lbs. and a new weight of 331.5 lbs. I was disappointed, not depressed but disappointed. I have had a lot of education recently about working-out, building muscle and replacing fat. I understand all of this and I even associated it with the “Biggest Loser” some of the contestants have weeks that they work really hard but still may gain a pound or two. I consider a loss a loss so I am not getting depressed just a little pro-active.

I have ask for assistance to come up with a plan and the response was very kind and here is the plan:

Beginning next Saturday 5/4 I am going to join the aquatic class at Fit-N-Wise, I will add a weeknight class the second week and will be interviewing or choosing a personal trainer. I think it is time to start fine tuning the workout. My endurance is improving and I want to continue to make progress. I think I will go in the mornings for cardio with my current workout friends. Including Zumba twice a week and the bike twice a week. Then two evenings a week I will meet with a personal trainer. I think this will set me up for success. I am looking forward to the plan and its implementation.

Now I am going to take a few moments to vent a little and explain a little. First, while at the grocery store today I ran into a person I would have considered close and she treated me like a vague acquaintance. I assumed this might be her judgement on my living situation. I am guessing here but there was a coolness that lead me to this conclusion. I could be wrong and I actually hope I am wrong. But for the record I wanted to cover this issue.

To review the reason I live in a house with my dogs and not with my husband. We all make choices, sometimes they are not easy but we do the best we can with our options. About six months after the fire I continued to feel lost and out-of-place. Almost like a fish out of water. I love my in-laws and they were never anything but kind and welcoming. I, unlike Perry did not live there growing up. It was not home to me. I felt like a visitor. I wanted my own space, I wanted to begin replacing things. Things of my own, making a home. Yes. I also had Pete waiting to come live with me and my brother had gotten Priscilla for me too. But it was so much more than the animals. It was knowing that I could get past the loss of the fire. I needed and longed to comfortable and have a feeling like I was home.

Perry grew up in that house, it is his parents house. He started working at Peterbilt shortly after the fire so working three jobs took all of his time. He found (I imagine) some comfort being at home in his parents house. I know I would have found a certain security had it been my parents house. A certain safety. He did not want to leave the farm, the cows. He needs to be there if a cow gets sick or in trouble, it could be life or death for the cow if he is even just 15 minutes away. I understand this, I married a dairy farmer. I wouldn’t have expected anything less from him.

So, we live in separate houses. I wish he was here with me or we had a house on the farm. Maybe in the future. Right now this is how things are and we are still a part of each others lives. Right now that is the best I can do and I wouldn’t ask anymore from him. I just wanted to vent and clear the air. I do not feel that I have to explain anything to anyone. I do, however, take offense when judged by others. Those that think they know something, when in fact they are clueless.



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